
Swan Fungus reader Stephen, you are the apple of my eye. Do you know why (oh man, I'm a veritable rhyming dictionary of rhymes!)? Because you graciously donated twenty-five dollars and change to my website, and I turned around and drove to the beer mart so that I might literally drink your money out of existence! Isn't that just the coolest? Well, I think so. For those of you who have never read this website before, let me lay it on the line for you. Whenever a kind soul donates funds to this here website of mine, I take the [...]
As I was leaving work last evening, I checked my cellphone and noticed I had three text messages and a voice mail. This is not entirely uncommon, seeing as how I am an immensely popular public figure who has to constantly deal with the demands of friends and family who often claim to "never see or hear from" me. The messages were fairly standard, your "What are we doing for dinner?" "Yo fag, call me" run-of-the-mill type stuff. The voicemail, though, was completely unexpected. It was from a woman who claimed to be the manager of the Pizza Hut I [...]