Artist: T.I.T.S.

God damn this is sexy! Not only is Anna Paquin a stunner, but she's also capable of retrieving all of the necessary stoner junkfood. If she can tell the difference between a Flaming Hot Cheeto, a Hot Andy Capp, and a Flaming Hot Puff, I might just have to think about putting a ring on it. [...]

Anne Hathaway shows up in the pages of GQ UK and looks sexy as hell. If only she talked with a cockney accent. That would definitely sweeten the deal. Oy, get o'vr ere, guv'na and give sweetanne a fuckin' kiss you puntah! [...]

The 2010 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue is set to hit newsstands next week, although the cover girl hasn't been announced. Rumor has it that Andy Roddick's doubles partner, Brooklyn Decker, is the lucky lady. Come on David , wouldn't you rather be reading about whether these girls like to be tickled or spanked, instead of Cover 2 defenses. No? Then I suggest you switch your commitment to Notre Dame where the girls look and play like boys. [...]

You always hear that Janice Dickinson was " the first supermodel ever ," but that fails to register given the fact that she has a face that looks like a plastic plate at a BBQ picnic, complete with hot dog lips. But after a little internet muckracking, it's mind blowing how good looking she was prior to her pig in a blanket face. Sure, the bird has aged. I understand that. But how come Cindy Crawford ages like this , and Janice ages like this: [...]

Anything Mad Men related gets the automatic green light around these parts. If you were a betting man, normally it would be about Christina Hendrick's massive endowment . But in this case, we've got Alison Brie in the pages of Complex, who plays Pete Campberll's wife on the show. Meow! [...]

I took two things from last nights Grammy festivities. 1. Stevie Nicks still sucks. Why the hell is she singing about high school crushes and being in the bleachers? You're not the cheerleader anymore... you're the lonely grandmother. 2. Lady Gaga DOESN'T have a penis. Thanks to her choice of wardrobe, we can finally put that rumor to bed like a naughty stepchild. I bet she relished those rumors. She was walking around letting people think she had an extension chord and a power strip. Jamie Lee Curtis is [...]

As previously mentioned, American Apparel is on the prowl for the best bottom in the world . Now take a look at the junk in the trunk that "rounds" out the top ten submissions. How come "butt model judge" listings never show up on Craiglist or Monster? They better not be outsourcing that type of work! Then there's poor Alisa from Huntsville whose ass kind of resembles the upper lip and whiskers of a kitten. From this day forward, a women with a tiny ass will now [...]

I've recently been informed that Seattle's dubious Dyme Def trio are verging on dropping their succulent sophomore effort, Sex Tape . "Ooo La La" © Mr. Strickland . As a teaser, the one-time Unsigned Hype-ers show their ability at ill communication with their forward-moving lead single " Do Something ," which could ride a genre-bending Beastie Boys-sample all the way to the FM waves. If tubular tunage isn't enough, they've tagged in the good folk @ TITS for an entire line of voluptuous and visually-appealing tees to accompany specific [...]

Always provocative brand, American Apparel, wants to find the best ass in the country. I can't even begin to imagine what an American Apparel ass judge would be/look like. Probably a bunch of hipster dudes in flannels who have cappuccino foam embedded in their mustaches. Along with the 300 dollar grab bag grand prize, I'm sure there will be tons of Rufes thrown in for good measure. What also makes for a good chuckle is that they request that the girls send in self portraits of themselves in bodysuits. Who just has a bodysuit laying around? [...]

Senators Barnaby Joyce and Guy Barnett are on a quest to rid the Australian porn world of small breasts . Don't these freedom fighters know that titties are like chicken. Some times you want the big piece, other times you want the small piece. But it's still all chicken! What's next on their porn plate: female ejaculation. Under the strict new guidelines, showing a woman achieving that slippery ending is an "abhorrent depiction" and not allowed. Suddenly I have quite the urge to throw a pool party with BBQ chicken. Maybe I can get Bobby Flay here [...]

Actress Michelle Trachtenberg covers the February issue of Complex Magazine. I haven't been this turned on by a masked woman since I got kidnapped by that Wonder Woman impersonator and developed a wicked case of Stockholm syndrome. Hit the jump for more photos and a behind the scenes video... of Michelle, not my kidnapping. [...]

Victoria's Secret hottie Miranda Kerr put a couple shrimps on the barbie for the February issue of GQ. Yowzers! I think I just burned my tongue. I particularly like how the photographer went for the "okay, you're naked and doing the NY Times Crossword" look. I wish she'd play with my 3 Across: 4 Letters: Barnyard Fowl ( via ) [...]

Main Entry: Stanley Tucci Function: Verb Etymology: Italian intransitive verb 1 a: to leer at a women's mammaries with eyes as a swift as a ninja. 2 a: to act homosexual in order to leer at a women's mammaries without fear or persecution or judgement. Pictures have surfaced from The Golden Globes which show Stanley Tucci examining Anne Hathaway's breasts like there was a pig latin cipher written across her chest, and he was dead set on getting to the bottom of the ittytay avinciday odecay. The [...]

I imagine winning a Golden Globe is sorta like getting that piece of mail from Publisher's Clearing House proclaiming, "You've won a million dollars!" You get excited for a split second before realizing that the letter in your hand was a piece of garbage. But then there's Christina Hendricks... and her cleavage. The real winner of the night. Jesus Christ! If her stylist had put her in a red dress we'd all subconsciously be putting Who Framed Roger Rabbit to the top of our Netflix queues [...]

I've never heard of In New York Magazine, probably because they've been featuring beatniks from Tribeca on the cover instead of the lovely Mrs. Van Wilder. You can never have enough cleavage, much like you can never have enough cowbell. Related posts: Hard Evidence why Scarlett Johansson is Amazing Scarlett Johansson's cleavage is definitely the 8th wonder of the... [...]

Normally we're happy just pervin' a dish around here, but this Esquire video with Mila Kunis is an excellent production. Add in the dope Black Keys/Mos Def/Jim Jones collabo and everyone's a winner. ( via ) Related posts: Mila Kunis x Blackbook Whenever Mila Kunis looks into a camera she always looks... More from January Jones It started with a cleavage controversy, it finishes with a... Milla [...]

Megan Fox is the newest spokeswoman for Armani because she's really smart , a good actress , can rub her belly and tap her head , she looks good in lingerie. If you stare at these pictures long enough she'll crack a little smile for you a la Vigo the Carpathian. [...]

Porn wunderkind Sasha Grey, fresh off her stint as a lady of the night in Steven Sodebergh's The Girlfriend Experience , takes it off to raise awareness for the pet control population. Thank God Bob Barker didn't jump at the opportunity. ( via ) + ( via ) Related posts: The Suicide Girls Get Dirty with Steven Soderbergh Steven Soderbergh: Sex, Money, Movies, Baseball, and the Girlfriend Experience.... Five Favorite [...]

I was praying to Jeebus that since this was a European spread there was going to be some nipple action. There's something about the exotic accent of the male photographers that makes the female areolas come out like rainbows after a thunderstorm. (via) Related posts: [...]

While I'm not a dirty old man just yet, I'm certainly not a spring chicken. That's why I feel kind of funny ogling these photos of Amanda Bynes from the February issue of Maxim. At what point are you allowed to look at a child star and say, "I'd like to do dirty things to/with her." John Q. Law says 18, and I think if you're looking for any wiggle room there you'll probably be getting a visit from Chris Hanson in the near future. So if it's not a legal issue, why the guilt? Nickelodeon characters [...]