Blog: 2 trombones and a crossbow

Live Music Show - The Sadnesses Guest curated by The Sadnesses: "it meets somewhere at the nexus of the mastery of unusual instruments and breathtaking artistry"

This album is pounding with repetitive originality! Your generation cruises to victory but thankfully my generation slouches to moderation! There was not a single second while listening to this album when my son was not up and dancing with his hind-legs, signing off on the prerequisite (exciting) saucy synths with his right front leg and creating the world's first pure supergroup of British journalists with his left. For the entirety of the album, he was addicted to the band's slow-light strategy and spastic epiphotonics intrinsic to the album's first side in particular. So, in totality, we assign this album 2 [...]

I blocked your accomplishments by first taking abysmal modern pop and combining it with your harsh remarks from early in the seminar. This caused an enhanced program delay involving as many as thirty factors, according to experts. Additionally, several attendees were treated for sitting injuries by introducing quality bacteria to their drinks. The final seminar of the weekend was surprisingly boring despite having a very catchy title ("The Ghost of Shit") and covering a wide variety of engrossing topics like saddle sores, subwoofers, and eyes that can be implanted in a human fetus and later harvested when the child becomes [...]

This particular professor was known to have conducted some subtle experiments that reverberated backwards from the shadow of degenerate freeloaders, thus making all previous theorems obsolete and making hugely fundamental releases of neat ideas seem as though they were written by hacks with emotional problems. On occasion, the subtle experiments got to be so brutal and vile that they were no longer reverberating backwards from the shadow of degenerate freeloaders, but rather reverberating forwards from a long profound glance at half a boy. So anyway, that's why many students avoided his courses, but I have actually forgotten your [...]

His body was shuddering under the weight of all those trinkets, his face turning a very pale shade of pale and his plaster trousers were beginning to crack around the knees. Among the trinkets, he had several "now mechanisms" including some tiny (and harmless) journey innovators and some even tinier business guys spewing the tiniest barf. I thought it was going to be entertaining to see what happened when he reached the point where the surface of several multi-colored light switches converged with the Earth, but alas, it came and went with no kind of conflict. Eventually, his mother arrived [...]

The Corporation has spent billions spraying the best diseases on the city and its surrounding areas, and now we have scores of little girls coming to us complaining of little twat sores. In an effort to deflect the bad PR, we have decided to begin pumping the best diseases instead into nice hot doughnuts, because everyone loves doughnuts, and if they don't they deserve diseases. Speaking of twat sores, I was appalled recently at the insanity of trying to get some action with the intern from Colombia and nothing being unzipped! I was questioning the health of her [...]

Some of the things I remember most about my first girlfriend are the lavish attention she pored over the yellow dye used in Jamaican military uniforms and her weird fetishes involving common buckeye butterflies. Oh, and now that she is on my mind, I also just remembered her miniature smock-frocks, on which she was always wiping blood of one sort or another. It is only now that I realize why that drawer always smelled so bad. One afternoon, when we had finished with our daily adult seismic fantastic romantic encounter, a random functioning male stranger suddenly appeared in our bedroom [...]

"Energy Solo Fair this weekend!!!" screamed the handmade sign stapled to the cock of the corpse found in a dark alley by police officers earlier in the day. So it was decided right there and then: the entire family would attend the Energy Solo Fair, but first we needed to find the location. We covered the grandchildren in glitter and told them each to pose in a way indicating the possible candidate location. Adamaddict (the slow grandchild) immediately posed as the Amsterdam Anthropology Site, as we all knew he would. Oklawards, on the other hand, had had enough puzzle days [...]

It has been my experience that married fruit comedy couples tend to do a lot of spite jokes. One would think that they had already been through so much hatred and pain in the own lives as married fruit that they would refrain from such spiteful attitudes, but apparently this is not the case. I once saw a brilliant set by a high-resolution, fearsome-looking councillor who was able to bring the house down without stooping to such "poets' pebbles," all the while demolishing prejudice-populated planets with witty observational intersections and bold, revealing glitter swoops between his breasts. Additionally, his act [...]

His huge rotting genitals were overflowing with spiders' legs, spilling all over his broken mother's broken heart-- and this at the breakfast table! Ever since he lost his job as manager of the chart-topping algae supergroup, Brain Sales, he spent all of his time searching for other parasites instead of feeding on himself. The pressure of coming up with "the next algae band" was just too much, it seems. At one point, he thought he had stumbled upon the next big thing when he discovered a way to musically control peptides, but the liquid writing heard on the first album, [...]

"Innuendo, as we say in the business, is above commercial practicality and is only noteworthy for its recombinant peel proteins," the host of TVs Flamingo Fortune, Heather Alexander said as she leaned back in her daughter's womb, loudly powering up her new pitching bow and thus making it nearly impossible to continue the conversation. Despite the noise, I tried to titillate this track tissue tease with some tired chords and a few elderly improvement needles, but alas, twas not to be. The host of TVs Flamingo Fortune, Heather Alexander then mentioned something about solid modification on top of some veering [...]

That kind of supposed customer service just doesn't occur in photon lives-- just ask silicon, he hangs out with photons all the time. Me personally, I am unable to sustain wavelengths of a certain capability for any length of time. In fact, I believe that once your business begins keeping sophisticated records, you will see in retrospect that me quantities are well below those of all musical notes within the human hearing spectrum. Once I finally have the time to comb through the cohesive overview of your complete selection of baby belts, I will hopefully be able [...]

It hurts to even type it. We miss you dearly.

Dr. Keathinger's disgusting knees research is akin to chubby lead soup according to several local experts. According to the spokesperson for the local chapter of SAFE Tweeners Squeak, the knees research amounts to little more than drooling material masquerading as a happily welcomed miscarriage. A self-heating despair sunset is planned for the next three days as a way of protesting the research. Despite all of this, several local toddlers' chewing was somewhat improved by the technology developed as a result of the knees research, according to non-local, impartial experts assigned to evaluate the case.

I was trying to cingulate a feet metaphor yesterday but kept choking on the large amount of anterior throat corral. My Heartbeat Community® keeps telling me that my throat corral is at most fuckity trivial, and at least equivalent to an unexpected fraction of the Chairman's Wiping Armies, each striving to thicken and expand beyond its zooplankton-esque confines. Yet another study has been reported to show that September was statistically very veal-heavy among all participants writing unfounded pop from skeletal lyrics who had not even pondered the whole bit about the magnetic album.

It has been revealed that the performing flies' harmonicas are all unfortunately broken due to a bathroom mishap. As one might imagine, coming into possession of such a tiny harmonica is no small feat, much less 63 in the same key. At this time, we would like to request that the audience respectfully bow their heads in tender, thankful remembrance of those fleeting moments when every single one of the flies had a functioning harmonica. Thank you for your understanding. And now, in place of the performing flies, we proudly present the host of TVs The [...]

Eight chick astronomers observed some astronomical shit lately, but no one cared because they're chicks. Some members of the news media were quick to observe that perhaps if the chick astronomers had been wearing science smocks rather than plunging, breezy spring numbers, their peers would have been less reluctant to confirm their findings. This reporter is quick to confirm that the other scientists would not have been faulted for coming down with a case of the "love stutters" in the presence of their giddy, laughing confirmations and their breezy spectrometry. It could also be noted in [...]

From: Management To: Staff_All Sent: Thu, December 32, 2010 5:12:48 AM Subject: Work Crystals Attention employees: please remember to deposit your work crystals in the work crystal depository at the end of every work day. Anyone who fails to do this will have their wages withheld for 40 days and will clean all coffee machines in the complex during this time. Additionally, all plastic utterances must be held at the front desk for the entirety of every work day. Postdoctoral socialization must be conducted only at night or during scheduled breaks. Any extramural evidence found will be used [...]

Bye, Don.

Diversity news: dried two-for-one think volcanoes can be found for less than half the price of half a pack of holiday fruit if one looks hard enough. In other news, a reliable source has decided to de-colon a Chicago-based teenaged fleece paraplegic for the value of his ubiquitous pantomime and, oh yeah, his fertile balls. However, a Chicago city official hastily declared the action offensive and put the plans temporarily on ice. He was quoted as saying, "Let Chinese gymnasts bounce and flail, but leave decisions about Chicago's fleece paraplegics to Chicago officials!" Many found his statement [...]