Blog: 2 trombones and a crossbow

Members are veterans who cut a pint of Thing-In-Itself into thin slices and become transfixed by soap-suds. Once such member was none other than the host of TVs The Name's the Same, Dennis James, who rented a conventionally juvenile position, casting himself as the knight and she who he rented as his saving remembrance. This didn't last too long though since he was just a little too into it. Shortly thereafter, his estate was ruled jointly by his three sons who moved the estate to the eastern slope partly because of the unsettled political situation. [...]

One time I traded 1 carp, 2 eels, 1 tench, 1 roach, 3 perches and 1 barbel for three pounds of minced thyme. I can't say it was the best trade I ever made, but I am no longer wiping blood from thumb, if you know what I mean. You remember those people grovelling for furniture outside the hut? I once was overtook by these fellow-creatures and spent the night on the floor of that very hut.

Take twenty minutes (or eggplants) out of your day to sit down and enjoy a fearful catalogue of lies so detestable, it will weigh on your psyche like massive rusty chains for the rest of your life. Or you could always covet somebody else's pork until it is taken sank. Sank pork is in several ways equivalent to a posthumous pardon or a faulty Emergency Flotation System (fEFS). An Italian lutenist and singer once referred to the experience of eating sank pork as similar to sitting on his own blue eyes. The human [...]

The cook salted the water gently. He knew all and went into the nearest man with his instrument with shocking ferocity. He tried to look at least as though he had somehow happened upon his former laugh without biting it in a long-overdue, spiteful eruption, but it was difficult. He was old enough to remember when valuable golden coins were issued again by the royal treasury, but young enough to be paneled in teak and chucked in the ground. Before the "incident", his uprightness of character was never in question; it was homeomorphic to the surface [...]

You could hear the teeth-- pharyngeal teeth in a single row of at least 16-- in his voice as he tried to steady the bulldozer. He took one memorable gulp of raw air and jerked the controls while softly asserting his coolness by simultaneously attempting to seduce his daughter-in-law. When he thought about her playing football, wrestling, basketball, (girls only) soccer, baseball, softball, track and field, volleyball, cross country or cheerleading, it made him want to shove the slightly less than thoroughly beautiful, poor miserable creature on the back of the bulldozer and let the engine idle [...]

The inventor and sole copyright holder of the electropneumatic paintball marker, the host of TVs That's the Question, Bob Goen accidentally sat on his sister's square, stout, dark eyes when she left the box on the couch. Even though her parents simply retrieved the spares and popped 'em in, she cried enough water for six people for six days, and that's counting the volume lost during the de-salinization process. She was deeply scarred by the incident, later referring to love as a myth and comparing her ex-husband to "dating a whisper." She would never be flowing [...]

Being aware of the black Pomeranians' rapid transformation as well as their matching helmets, the Professor General of the Modern Global Trade Languages Centre, Dr. Holden Caprice smacked his eyes 31 times each with a light, judicial touch. Since that time, he has undergone extensive security modifications by defence contractor Tenix Mesoridazine Metabolism, Inc to remain pharmacologically effective against the black Pomeranians' ever-growing list of powers. His beautiful round elbow pits remind many people of a sad honeysuckle and 24 monuments to them still remain all along the coast.

To celebrate our 558th post, we here at 2T&AC proudly present this list of all branches of the Sacramento Public Library starting with the letters M or N: Martin Luther King, Jr. 7340 24th St. Sacramento, CA 95822 McClatchy 2112 22nd St. Sacramento, CA 95818 McKinley 601 Alhambra Blvd. Sacramento, CA 95816 N Highlands-Antelope 4235 Antelope Rd. Antelope, CA 95843 North Natomas 2500 New Market Dr. Sacramento, CA 95835 North Sacramento 2109 Del Paso Blvd. Sacramento, CA 95815

I used to always try to make sure every dish was honored by one egg and a pinch of poignant surprise. That is, until I took a big bite and found myself with a mouthful of securities fraud and obstructing justice. It was exactly then that I decided to change my approach. Now I cook on the atomic level using mainly nucleophilic substitution on the alkyl halide, to give the alkylated compound a fresh aroma and Brussels sprouts-like texture. But I still experience a perpetual inner conflict when I leave the poignant surprise out.

So your brother regularly feels around in your sister’s cupboard-- what do you do about it? This is a question many people are asking themselves these days. I know people who have tried fermented benzaldehyde and that worked, but when they threw coffee grounds into their shimmering rainbow, nothing. So you just have to try different things and see what works. Your grandmother was rumored to have used an undifentified gel which she applied to your sister while she slept, by (in)visibly crawling over the piles of bagged and unbagged tents in her room to reach [...]

Scientists reported today that they had proof of the existence of filthy limericks in over one thousand and two worlds. Dr. Solarll Heensfij was quoted as saying, "This is a gruesome nightmare. This basically turns my life's work into nothing more than a flapping broad-brimmed low-crowned felt hat of questionable origin. I would rather drink a tumbler of bacon, cream, and brown sauce than listen to this drivel any longer," and stormed out. As if that wasn't enough excitement, suddenly an escaped convict was spotted reclining on a slave and the press conference was over.

I was our mouths. I did all the talking. With my mouth. At the time, I was painting a lot and attending a lot of vigils, as well, I was drinking too much hot gin-and-water with croutons. Probably the beginning of my downfall was when I began selling and purchasing pharmaceuticals in the receiving community to support the local economy and avoid customs issues. Anyway, long story short-- a recklessly loose-lipped witness forced us to barricade ourselves in that storage facility and I was our mouth-oriented spokesman. That's what I am trying to tell [...]

“Consciousness is intrinsically elitist,” says the host of TVs Extreme Dodgeball Bil Dwyer; however, according to the host of TVs Bruce Forsyth's Hot Streak, Bruce Forsyth, it is not so much consciousness that is intrinsically elitist, but rather the futility, and some would say the failure, of consciousness. He continues, "with apologies to a hallucination in a movie, a number of demodernisms concerning the dialectic paradigm of expression may be revealed in the form of an envelope and... Whoops! The green shimmering of a note..." With this he swayed in time with the sunflowers in the walls, implying [...]

We left chocolate chip frog dicks in his fucking car when we spotted it in the parking lot. Mrs Joe and my sister looked disconsolately at me, but hey, the fucker earned it. After his bedding cut my sister, I was surprised that she wasn't more pissed. But then again, it was her bright suggestion with the prison-ship. So we stomped on his most cherished morsel and we were on our way. When we left him, he was begging for his favorite candy, Munching Way, but we ignored his pleas as we watched the prison-ship [...]

Ox tongue will resolve itself into cones when placed in a large bowl with milk, water and lots of ice cubes. We can go to the way of preparation that injects spoonfuls of stalk, minced pickles and sieved flour directly into the center of the ox tongue cones. A diminutive tank made of malformed parsley, salt and very cold slices, the host of TVs Personality Puzzle, Robert Alda came up with a method of ox tongue cone injection that would automatically inject two dessert spoonfuls of the filling mixture an hour. When the filling injection process is [...]

Have I a story of love? Have I the team of the river? Have I a knack for dark diving? When you hear the answer to these questions, it will be like someone is puffing dried cum in your ears or holding your legs to a candle. But if you walk to the river's end and bust a magical siren, I won't have to tell you at all-- you will already know. I tried to find it once myself, but found myself under a waterfall of your blood. The next time, I took a [...]

I remember days of one schilling waffles, coming up to Mrs Joe, the way she took explanations and placed them upon the table and the way she made the drinks too sour to be wrong. I moved his leg. "A man -- using both sides of my chest, and having so far away that boy," said the stranger, quickly, and brushed his beard trimmings on his own weather-cock. Then, of course the course I underwent went within. The other convict was in the kitchen cupboard, alongside a pint of bread; earlier her bosom and the top of the other was [...]

After the assassination of his brother, Clamley, the host of TVs Legends of the Hidden Temple, Kirk Fogg fell from favour. He grew more and more depressed and withdrawn until he finally began working with multiple sublabels, specializing in publishing musical works pertaining to darkwave, dark folk, gothic rock, deathrock, ethereal wave and other "gothic" genres of music. Sometimes his friends at Bombardier's Advanced Rapid Transit Technology would strip him down and force him to play an instrument whose strings are at right angles to the sound table, such that a line between the lower tips of [...]

A large group of spotted owls are said to have self-funded a trip to New York to meet with the great blue herons and ravens to discuss either developing an incredibly lethal poison from Locusta or the idea of laying a trap for the black-shouldered kites and California quail. There is evidence that the spotted owls were trained as goldsmiths during the trip, and that Vestal Virgins would make fresh mola salsa daily for them and feed it to them from their own mouths, as a mama bird would. Several of the black-shouldered kites were convicted of [...]

Your father could never be aptly described as having a bright and happy disposition, courage, willingness to work, alertness, intelligence, or love of water as some of his characteristics. His pottery skills are pathetic, and a constant stream of drool flows from his mouth almost year-round and during peak flow has been known to inundate the hallway leading to his office, as you are well aware. He often argues over the definition and nature of heresy and free thought and could easily be sued for "tortuous interference" for the near-complete coverage of your hometown with his graffiti slogan, [...]