They should definitely bring back grammar schools, if only to stop the inhalation of the vapors of low achievers, since that causes headaches, respiratory distress, eye irritation and many other symptoms including low achievement. Additionally, it is worth noting that mucus is not one of the food groups, in fact, mucus may lighten the color of stool (but it will never turn it white). Regarding white stool: a small dose of amytriptiline at bedtime has helped me quite a bit, making the court-ordered force-feed moot. Follow these easy instructions and you can say to young girls on [...]
For example, the Harrington Group had been working for the last 17 years on a reseach project focused on finding great tits. They had employed a meager but eager staff of 11 employees for the entire time period. Many of them had been working in exchange for only bags of hair, half-empty cans of shaving cream or moldy pebbles because they loved their work so much. And then, Boom! They got rid of all the staff because the machines are taking over. Bye Mariska Veres. Shocking Blue "Rock in the Sea" [...]
I was thinking about how descriptions of several types of berries, including loganberry often remind me of artificial or cadaver or artifical jelly cadaver valves or jelly linguine, and I guess I just kind of drifted off and almost hit an oncoming car. At which point my boyfriend Jim Manufacture* screamed, "STOP STEERING ASSY!" But, once I had successfully regained control of the car, he changed mood and cooed, "It’s about that time of month—when we get home, I’ll apply one drop of key oil to all your rod endings and components..." Rarely has such a short drive [...]
Something about her tights made her legs look like boulder-pillows. Or soft girders. Or jiggly geodesic domes. All of which made his loins burn as though they were being gingerly dipped in liquid nitrogen—and his metaphor was accurate as he spoke from experience. It all happened that day when he was seven. Little Lucy from across the way was nine, and knew her way around a science lab. Long story short, liquid nitrogen on crotch. Anyhoo—we’ll see us at the big badminton match, yeah? Let's launch a [...]
You may notice that there are no pretty pictures or functioning links to wonderful and exciting music on the page. We can chalk this up to a catastrophic server failure. These files will not be replaced, but all future posts will have the colorful fun and slippery wordage to which you have become accustomed. Please stay tuned.
In fact, the host of TVs The Name's the Same, Clifton Fadiman released a single in the autumn of 1964 that just tickled the bottom of the UK top 200, but spent an astonishing 79 weeks on the US chart in 1970, called, "One of the Specimens Contained a Bromalite, a Fossilised Mass of Food Waste, Go-Go Get It, Baby." But the most interesting thing about this single is the recording process deployed. It seems the host of TVs The Name's the Same, Clifton Fadiman had 2 separate orchestras positioned in separate studios, Esquivel-style, while he was [...]
492 "electronic" mails, combined and compared with considerably fewer "snail" mails, (but still, nothing to sneeze at) resulted in a startlingly mellifluous menagerie. But then again... Adios, Sandy West. The Runaways “Wasted” (buy)
To celebrate this, the 499th post on Two Trombones and a Crossbow, we proudly present: The Two Trombones and a Crossbow 499th Post Top 7 Extravaganza: 1. stirrup pants 2. favela booty beats 3. misread itineraries 4. Canadian stepping exercises 5. playing tabla with such ferocity, fire breaks out 6. mutations of all kinds 7. fuzzy and cute and talented Plastic Bertrand "Super Cool" (buy)
Dear Alan Alda, I'm probably not the first to catch it, but Barbra Bush is worshiping gays, mocking the rich, all the while thinking of herself as brave by — this is for the record – openly admitting to washing foreigners' cars in the vacuum that used to be her mind. I can't recall her ever referencing fondness for anything, but do remember how she would give us all a darn good thrashing, eh, what? Trapped in the blank, 2T&AC Les Masques “Enfer” (buy)
Disastrous results called for disastrous changes. Donny was first to go, with a dandy hand wave and a trickle of blood. There was a "you wanna back up those words with bold action and hot sauce, harmony-stink?" there was a sharp crack and there was a thud. Angie took it hard to the abdomen, crumpling, while Jeffrey seemed to just gently difuse into thin air like the spray from a plant mister, mister. The chinchilla apartment complex remained more or less intact, suffering only a few cosmetic slights. By the time the host of [...]
When the love gets to be a little too much, I just drop to the ground, wherever I am, and think about the puppies’ knives and the horrifying looks on their faces, and the love just melts away until I am left sitting at the bottom of a fuckin twister with all that used dishwater, twisting my fucking guts away as though they had discovered a cure for twisting sickness. That, my beloved friend and trusted comrade, is what I do when the love gets to be a little too much. MC Cula "E So Sentar" [...]
"Another religious hole filled!" shouted the host of TVs Liar's Club, Bill Armstrong like a school girl with a case of "the rubbies," and set about on the next step of his plan: a relaxing distension of the pelvic colon by inflating a balloon inside the pelvic wall by means of a minor, self-actuated procedure that saw him black out from pleasure a number of times. The only distraction came near the end when his sister burst in the room carrying her newly-won bowling trophy, sweating, flailing and screaming, "The host of TVs Liar's Club, Bill Armstrong, look [...]
While shopping for a kimono for my dog, I came across a delightful sterling silver bust of a loin of yellowfin tuna stuffed with crab meat. "Well, isn’t that a zip sauce for what ails you!" I shouted and began running toward the most beautiful professional, cabaret-grade bubble blower I had seen in my life. I promptly plopped my paycheck on the counter and signed it over to the pimple popping pipsqueak behind the counter. I then noticed that the parking pass for my 75-story mega cruiser was about to expire, so I made a flourish-y [...]
Since I like to do extremely extreme activities, for my first blind date, I suggested that first we hunt and kill a dog, then we stuff it full of uranium stolen from Afghanistan warlords and smuggle it over an international border. My date to be was all, "But, I love dogs!" and I was all, "Next!" She won 23 dollars. The next girl had a big booty, so I was all, "Next!" But then the third girl was a hottie and we successfully smuggled the uranium into Pakistan and sold it to a North [...]
Top 5: 1. soft shirts 2. lenticular bikini girls 3. jokes about raping midget hate mongers 4. telemetry 5. the biology of dread ”Mr. Yuk Theme Song” (bunnies)
There is/saw minimum 3 jewelers selling outside Guild q220™, stewing jewels in jelly sauce and capers, and none of the guards saw any of it. This was clearly a violation of the agreement and the host of TVs Wait Wait... Don’t Tell Me, Dan Coffey was clearly about to reach his breaking point. When he finally blew his gasket rod, no one was safe from the hate lava hurled from his mouth volcano-- starlings, growers, spool applicators, the stinky—everyone who was anyone was forced to bathe knee-deep in his vile words and hurtful tone. But [...]
The name that the team give their newfound friend is 9.1 million digits long. It was considered a gift for the man who is now known as M30402457, or 2 to the 30,402,457th power minus 1. Or "2-2" for short. 2-2 just finished writing his name for the first time in his life, after starting nearly 27 years ago- about the same time he learned to write. Aside from sleep and bathroom breaks, he has rarely stopped writing in that time. Needless to say, his writing hand is unbelievably strong and can crush anything from concrete [...]
For immediate release: Ramco Toys presents: Mr. Squeaky on Punuk Island Help Mr. Squeaky carry many dead things to Punuk Island to make it the graveyard of underfunded pension plans and oil bottles, among other things. Additionally, one of your goals should be to make sure your liabilities don’t exceed your assets, and that you don’t strain your back carrying all the dead things. Avoid visiting the HMO! A visit will cost you 900 points, and you will spend 23 hours in a waiting room (played out in realtime) before action [...]
Withdrawn for content was the first evidence for changes in synaptic strength prior to axon withdrawal in early postnatal proportions of infants. In differing amounts of irregular spots throughout, he'd rounded the snouts into identical forms—reflected in a not-entirely accurate scale of properties later published in a well-known medical journal. The man we are talking about, of course is none other than Professor Sammy "Joshua the Nocturnal Rodent" Matthewson-- the man famously quoted when asked about the incident as saying, "Avoid making full squares circles; rather soften it, make it look smaller and rounder—The Circle Opposition [...]
So, Michael Vick, the Michigan champion distance stilt walker, Terry Ontorio and a burnt corpse walk into a bar and state in unison, "I don’t want to open the door anymore," at which point, the school bell goes off across the street. Without skipping a beat, the solarium on the next block turns into a giant mechanical lemur in flames and, smirking, clogs the nearest drain. When the wreckage is finally cleared the next month, the formerly magnificent mosaic floor paneling is scratched and dinked beyond all bejesus. D.R.I. “Mad Man” [...]
2 trombones and a crossbow
Kanye Debuts New Song Projected On Walls
Kanye West to release new album Yeezus on June 18th
MS MR- “Hurricane (CHVRCHES Remix)”
