Who would of thought that the reason women are needy/psycho/insane wasn't tits or vaginas, but a pill. The birth control pill. Yes, apparently it prevents us from abortions or trailer trash, but does it prevent us from smashing Kyle's head against the door? No. What the pill does, is put the idea of smashing Kyle's head, in addition to giving you the right fucked up hormones also known as a mixture of hatred and depression, in order for you to execute such thought. 10 am. Bowl of Special K. Facebook. Myspace. Ninjavideos. No pill. It's a new beginning. Clemence Poles [...]
Name. Favorite Department. Common Interest. Gift from Harrods. 3 Hours in a room filled with unemployed individuals. You'd think that I'd be interested in hearing each of their names, or how they'd love a Harrods teddy bear because it reminded them of their abusive father. Truth is, in result of such experience, I wish to remain unemployed and useless. I mean, what happened to the conventional interviewing process? Hello, my name is Clemence Poles, I have great customer service skills and penis skills. BAM. Employed. Well, at American Apparel the least. [...]
Why is French Electro frowned upon? I mean, I don't see anyone complaining whenever they hear a Daft Punk or Justice track? I don't see Busy P with any less groupies. So why is it that I can't find a place in London that will play a fucking MSTRKRFT remix? I'm all for 'noise', but how do you expect me to look slutty to distortion and delay pedals. This may be the reason I went back to Paris last weekend. This and the fact that they have the best Burger joint in Europe. Americans serving you, Americans laughing at your [...]
Having failed my master plan of moving to New York with my Economic Teacher's son, Ed Westwick, also known as 'not so hot anymore Chuck Bass from Gossip Girl', I've found myself struggling to make myself comfortable amongst English people. "Hi, my name is Steve, I'm a designer for Dazed and Confused." "Hi my name is Axana, I'm a performance artist." Of course I try to fit in, but unfortunately, giving chocolate to your classmates doesn't qualify as a way of making friends anymore. Doing coke lines off Brian's ass does. Problem is, I'm one of those anti-drugs save Christ [...]
"Don't Panic". It's pretty hard not to when the entire staff at the airport is wearing a mask. I mean, if everyone has one, how come I don't? (Consequence: Death?) The least that the airport people can do is put up some signs warning us of the epidemic or letting us know that they are massive hypochondriacs. Of course we all know this is the latest media distraction added to the SARS, Bird Flu, Anthrax epidemic, but discrimination of masks? I don't approve. So after 9 hours of finding a seating position (mainly to reach an appropriate High School Musical [...]
I find it quite amusing that girls console other girls by suggesting to dance. I mean, I'm all for some erotic grinding with the same sex, but probably not after having an emotional breakdown. I'm just not that attractive when I'm having an emotional breakdown. So I'm 8 months in. London that is. Thoughts? Well, I've deducted that 91% of the English population (located in london), are alcoholics. Of course the 8% includes me, and those in comas. Personally, I have nothing against drinking, but being surrounded by drunks at 5pm, can be quite irritating. A. I prefer not being [...]
For those that know me as that girl with the American accent that works at American Apparel, the dream is over. I have quit the world of retail. I just thought I had some bigger purpose in life, something other than hanging clothes at an unreachable height as well as being treated as if I were Jessica Simpson. And by Jessica Simpson, I mean shit. Don't you worry, although I am unemployed and living off pasta, I do have a plan. My economics' teacher happens to be the father of the one and only gossip girl hearthrob "Ed Westwick", also [...]
This pretty much shows my level of sanity when I was living in Uxbridge.
So how did I start my London experience? By whoring myself to American Apparel, once more. This time, it wasn't an 90's Walmart Ad. It was more of an early " Friends " meets early " One Tree Hill " ad, where in both scenarios I'm that girl that puts out on the first date. As well as has aids. The fun didn't stop there. I did a winter shoot for MixMag magazine, and got free pizza. And by free pizza, I mean about 10 filled pizza boxes, not a Christmas meal at the Olsen's. You know you've had a [...]
It's about 8a.m, basically I have my morning face on, which is not really something you'd like to see after Couscous. Nevertheless that didn't stop one of my new roomates to come up to me and dare ask a question in the middle of me making coffee. My "If I don't drink coffee in the morning, I will slam your head against my semi-working heater that logically turns off when temperature drops" coffee. So what does Brian (I decided to call him Brian, even though he'd never pull off being a Brian) want? Html codes. Brian wants help with Html [...]
*HANGOUTS* (The pictures are still irrelevant) NE NOUS FACHONS PAS 7 Rue de Douai (Metro: Pigalle) Haven't seen much bars who play mod's music, this one won't disappoint. MOTEL [...]
Unless you're an retarded, "Shopping" will focus on the shopping aspect of Paris. Now, I'm just going to name a couple of shops, not because I'm lazy, but because I forgot their names. *SHOPPING* MARCHE PORTE DE VANVES Avenue Marc Sangnier (Metro: Porte de Vanves) For those that like Porn, antiques or hidden gems. GUERISOL 17 and 67 Avenue de Clichy (Metro: Place de Clichy) The only place where you'll find a great pair [...]
I might of skipped the part where I've been constantly purchasing eurostar tickets on my previous post, but yeah, I've been constantly purchasing eurostar tickets. I guess London just made me realize how great Paris really is. Not convinced? Paris is holding a porn festival . What is London holding? Sure, I'm not aware of half of the things that are being held here, but I rather be stubborn (mostly because for some reason, London doesn't want it's population to eat decent food). So in that state of mind, I decided to outdo TimeOut, and have my own take [...]
Around 4am during one of our many fire alarms, I started thinking; Do the creators of the new 90210 really expect us to believe that the cast is about 15 years old? I'm sorry, but at 15, I didn't look like I was paying a mortgage. Perhaps the creators thought that their acting skills would compensate for it. Unfortunately for them, Paris Hilton would of done a better job convincing me so. Yes I'm in London. Yes, I'm not really in London. Yes, I'm in fucking Uxbridge. So the story starts with me arriving in St. Pancreas, with [...]
After a long journey across Paris, I decided to prolong the "Spending quality time with myself" and head to an Indie club/bar/concert, also known as Divan Du Monde. I never really thought about it, but when you head to a place you've never been to, there's always an awkward entrance...The, where the fuck should I stand/go awkward entrance. Unfortunately, I didn't pull off the "I'm a reporter, just reporting look" as I planned during the metro ride. Instead, I stood by the door for about 15mins, and looked around as if I was waiting for Brian to come back with [...]
Age Sex Location. Not something I'd ask a legless homeless man. But 10 years back, before "LOL" existed, well, "ASL" prominently dominated the virtual world. It just hit me, how forward the 90's where. You'd have to enter them hip yahoo chatrooms, and well, webcam yourself seductively, in order to win yourself a man. Yes, I might of been soul searching when I was 10. I killed all my barbies, and by killed, I mean, cut their hair, removed their arms, poked their eyes out, and threw them in the bin. Those bitches saw it coming. Point is, I'm Macbook [...]
I need to pee. Like really need to pee. At this point, the last thing I want is for someone to say hello to me just when I'm about to unzip. Well, that's Paris for you. Paris is when someone says hello to you when you walk out of a sex shop. I mean, just because you're 'greeting me' doesn't mean you're going to prove all foreigners that French people are nice, let alone friendly.I just find it odd, and hypocritical. But then again, I believe in Jesus. How is Paris one might ask. Well, it's not what I [...]
You'd think that attempting to step on a pigeon would scare it away. But no, over here, they fight back, they fly around you until you stop trying to kill them and finally give them food. Well, that's one of my episodes. Of course the craziness doesn't stop here. You get old men running down the street and banging on cars, I'm assuming because they didn't like the model. To be fair, the car was shit, but if it were me, I'd prolly just walk away, but that's just me. Another thing that doesn't happen to me much often back [...]
After an extended search for orgy partners, I thought I'd never meet a match, but then there was Hot Rod, and then there was the Lonely Island. Now, you must be thinking, Hot Rod? Lonely Island? How does that relate to an orgy, what is Lonely Island? Well, fret not, I'm always here with answers, I'm like Dr. Phil, except that I'm worth listening to. So, yes, Lonely Island is like that comedian crew that's in anchorman, 40 year old virgin, old school and so on, except for the fact that they are 3 guys (Akiva Schaffer, Jorma Taccone [...]
After watching classics such as the latest Indiana Jones, 27 dresses or Heartbreak Kid, I've decided to change my ways and watch movies that motivate me to hold in my pee. That's how I got into the surreal movement. Sure, I'm like 70 years late, but hey, Jessica Simpson waited till she got married. That's irrelevant, as she didn't wait 70 years, but I thought it was a little interesting fact. Like Trivial Pursuit. Which brings me to my non ordered movie list. Brace yourself. 1. L'age D'or [...]
Clemence a quelque chose a dire
[LISTEN] Gotye (Passion Pit Remix)
Big Boi & Theophilus London (feat. TRE LUCE) - 'She Said OK'
