Blog: Kill Rock Music

Support the RIAA!

Support the RIAA! If anybody deserves $78 Trillion dollars, it's the RIAA. I fully support the actions of the Retired Individuals of Agricultural Afghanistan, and think they deserve the entirety of the world's wealth. Like shit, you have to admit they've had a pretty rough time of it so far. Here's a little known fact for you: Vince Neil, from Motley Crue (pretend I put umlauts on that) was never a member of the Retired Individuals of Agricultural Afghanistan! I would have contacted Mr. Neil for an interview on this story, but I honestly couldn't give a shit what he has [...]

R.I.P. Leonard Cohen

R.I.P. Leonard Cohen Listen, if you were in my position, you would have killed Leonard Cohen too. Anybody who knows anything about Leonard Cohen knows how much he enjoys a good knife fight. I know it sounds like an excuse, but seriously, he just fell on the knife while we were horsing around. I mean, everybody knows that knife fighting is Leonard Cohen’s biggest passion in life. I found out this fact for the first time when we were julienning some tomatoes. I had no idea what ‘julienne’ meant, so I was really just cutting them into cubes. Leonard was over there in [...]

Bob Dylan

Bob Dylan Listen folks: never go on a caravan holiday with Bob Dylan. Sure, maybe you'll think it's cool and hip for the first little while, but I speak from experience when I say IT GETS OLD FAST. I mean, we were tooling down the highways in, I think, Missouri, and of course Bob was driving, as he's controlling like that. So I asked him where we were going, and the motherfucker just replied: 'The answer, my friend, is blowing in the wind.' Well, I'm all for mysticism and the whole Jim Morrison thing, and just assumed that [...]

Smiths Reunion

Smiths Reunion Listen folks, I know it's hard for you to accept, but there will never be a Smiths reunion. However, the reasons may surprise you. They sure surprised me when I found out. You see, I met Mike Joyce in a bar one night recently, and he was looking glum. 'Why are you looking so glum, Mike Joyce?' I asked Mike Joyce. 'Because there will not be a Smiths reunion.' I said 'Yeah, that Morrissey's a bit of a whiney wanker, isn't he?' Mike Joyce replied 'It's even worse than that. It turns out he was made out of papier-mâché the [...]

Dick Clark

Dick Clark Dick Clark’s death reminded me of the sanctity of life, and the fragility of our time on earth. It also reminded me of the time he and I fronted a death metal band in Norway. Dick and I were high off our tits one night, smoking his trademarked American Bandstand blunts. He told some (admittedly lame) joke about kittens, and I said ‘hey Wagstaff’ (it’s how I referred to him), ‘let’s start a goddamned Norwegian metal band!’ Now Dick was game for anything, but the problem we had was that we KNEW NO NORWEGIANS. I mean, how are we supposed [...]

Kiss and Jimi Hendrix

Kiss and Jimi Hendrix So I was in Cambridge the other day, for some reason. Those of you privy to the lifestyles of the rich and the famous will already know that I live somewhere in the north, like Leeds or the Arctic or something, but I occasionally venture down south to visit the fucking proles in places like Cambridge. So I somehow got onto a train, and next thing I knew, I was in Cambridge, where I immediately got a haircut. That’s what one does in Cambridge. It was a kind of a shit haircut, but one can you expect from the uneducated [...]

Avenged Sevenfold

Avenged Sevenfold I am really sick to death of all the Gandhi bashing I have to put up with. I walked into the coffee shop the other day and ordered a latte. The guy behind the counter says to me: ‘Sure. That’ll be £2.50, not that Gandhi would ever actually pay that amount.’ I said something about passive resistance, and asked him why he’d say such a thing. ‘Because Gandhi’s a cunt, that’s why.’ It’s really hard to argue with erudite thinking like that, so I let it stand. Then, later that same day, I ran into Gandhi [...]

Oneida

Oneida I know that, in theory, Portuguese people are reading this blog. I do not fault them for their amazing taste. However, having to come up with a random people to bother this week, I was forced with acknowledging the fact that Portugal is, in fact, a country. I am good friends with a Portuguese fellow (he is one of the fellows in the portrait). I call him ‘Poncho’. He calls me ‘babaca’, because he is in awe of my amazingness. My only point, regarding his people, is that I’m pretty sure they are shit at music. For instance, [...]

Justin Bieber, or Beiber, or Whatever the Fuck His Floppy-Haired Name Is

Justin Bieber, or Beiber, or Whatever the Fuck His Floppy-Haired Name Is I have, on recent occasion, had time to reflect on the futility of our existence. As such, I have decided to dedicate this blog to documenting this apocalypse, with apologies to the 3.5 readers who expected real musical criticism here. Justin Bieber: he apparently resides where, through truth of birth and nothing else, I happen to have citizenship. I try to listen to his floppy-haired cynicism, but cannot even process it on an intellectual level. Is it whale music? Why are all these young people screaming? Is it from the pure horror of witnessing such a spectacle? If [...]

Retribution Gospel Choir

Retribution Gospel Choir Last night I had the pleasure of seeing one of the greatest-named rock bands, Retribution Gospel Choir, in a small pub in South Yorkshire. Low, Alan Sparhawk's other band, was here for a much more high-profile gig, and they decided to do a few RGC gigs on the side. I went with a jazz-head, somebody who appreciates intricate fretwork but did not perhaps appreciate my particular brand of harder rock fuckery. The opener was decent in a Death from Above 1979/Future of the Left kind of way. I have no idea who they were and they didn't introduce [...]

St. Vincent

I should probably stay on topic, as I am a serious writer of serious posts, but I would like to post a brief word to the spammers of the world, who seem to be a bit down in the dumps. I have been getting many half-hearted messages from our spamming community. They no longer address our erectile problems, our need for Nigerian funding, our desire (apparently) to see 'T_rann_ie Sedx'. Now, they are telling me all sorts of factoids, in endearingly broken English. Today, some kind spamhole sent me a message warning me against the danger of wild dogs. This [...]

Bon Iver, Now a Band More Than a Man

I'm not always good at foreseeing trends, or even what I may like in 6 months time. I remember when I first heard Bon Iver's 2008 debut, For Emma, Forever Ago . I was distinctly underwhelmed and bored. I can see why some people might still find that, but for me, these songs got under my skin. This was mostly due to me having the chance to see them live, opening for Iron and Wine. In a full band setting, the songs blossomed into something much more haunting; in ways, it almost reminded me of Sigur Ros. [...]
Artist:Bon Iver
Title:Calgary
Link Text:Bon Iver - Calgary
File Name:08-Bon-Iver-Calgary.mp3
Bitrate:182 kbps
Genre:Folk Rock
Year:2011

Less Sexual Than an Arab Strap, but Still Powerful

I was a big fan of Arab Strap. I loved Aidain Moffat's lyricism, and the music met with my then current nihilistic tendencies. One thing I wondered was how he would age, and now I have the answer: quite wonderfully. We all get older, and even the cynical among us start to recognise the need and desire to be part of a romantic view of the world, no matter how scarred it is. To be honest, I was disappointed in Moffat's 2009 album with the Best Ofs. It just sounded a bit tired. So, I didn't expect much [...]
Artist:Bill Wells & Aidan Moffat
Title:The Copper Top
Link Text:Bill Wells & Aidan Moffat - The Copper Top
File Name:CHEM150DD-06.mp3
Genre:Folk Rock
Year:2011

A Bunch of Formerly Important Curmudgeons, Working Together to Produce Inessential and Irrelevant Music

Lou Reed and Metallica are collaborating. Actually, it's worse. They have collaborated. I feel like the poor asshole politicians in Dr. Strangelove who know the wheels have been set in motion for nuclear annihilation and there's not a damn thing they can do about it. Christ. And I say this as a fan of both Lou Reed and Metallica, but I have a bad feeling about this horrific Frankenstein's monster birthed from too many egos riding on past accomplishments. Apparently, two formerly great sets of musicians decided to get together, based on the 'chemistry' [...]
Artist:Lou Reed
Title:Sad Song
Link Text:Lou Reed - Sad Song
File Name:10-Sad-Song.mp3
Bitrate:186 kbps
Genre:Rock
Year:1973
Artist:Metallica
Title:Creeping Death (Acoustic)
Link Text:Metallica - Creeping Death (Acoustic)
File Name:acucrpn.mp3
Bitrate:128 kbps
Genre:Hard Rock
Year:1997

This is a Local Pub, For Local People

The Globe and Mail, Canada's only newspaper that's left that's worth half a damn, reported some interesting new bits on Steve-O Harper thumbing his nose at anybody not in his Conservative cabal. Hell, this guy has some sort of messianic complex. He's no longer content just with ruining Canadian democracy! No, now he's taking on the world! You go, Stevie! Show 'em all! The entire rational world is backing Barack Obama's avowal that the 1967 borders between Israel and Palestine are what should be respected in peace negotiations, and everybody sane supports him in this, including the leaders [...]
Artist:Foo Fighters
Title:Bridge Burning
Link Text:Foo Fighters - Bridge Burning
File Name:01-Bridge-Burning.mp3
Bitrate:128 kbps
Genre:Rock
Year:2011

God Bless the Canadian Senate

So, news hits today that Transparency International found Canada to be the WORST of the G8 in terms of policing against corruption (but hey, we're neck and neck with Bulgaria!). Although they're examining different things, it seems fitting that it comes mere days after Little Stevie Harper again thumbs his nose at Canadian democracy by appointing new Tories to the Senate just a few weeks after voters rejected the exact same people. He did this in spite of the fact that he's ostensibly all for Senate reform and, presumably, not running Canada like a tinpot dictatorship. Not only that, he [...]
Artist:FusedMARc
Title:We Similar Synth Iron
Link Text:FusedMARc - We Similar Synth Iron
File Name:04_FusedMARc_-_We_Similar_Synt h_Iron.mp3
Bitrate:224 kbps
Genre:Electronic
Year:2005
Artist:The Felice Brothers
Title:River Jordan
Link Text:The Felice Brothers - River Jordan
File Name:11-The-Felice-Brothers-River-J ordan.mp3
Bitrate:251 kbps
Genre:Folk Rock
Year:2011

Apocalypse Now (or, We Wish)

Hello, Good reader, So apparently the apocalypse has hit. I can vouch for this fact (or 'triangulate the data' for you insufferable positivists) as I heard a car alarm, and I'm pretty sure it rained a bit. But you know, shit, I thought the apocalypse would be a little more exciting. A volcano in Iceland? I cannot even see that, and I'm not very far away! Come on God, or Satan, or whoever is running this show, give me some sturm und drang! I want a 60 metre tall succubus descending upon us and sucking the blood out [...]

A Requiem for a Music Site Nobody Cared About, or the Birth of a General Site Nobody Cares About

I ran Killrockmusic, somewhat diligently, for 2 years. During that time, I had about 3 worthwhile comments (2 of them from friends), and most people spending 30 seconds on the site as they stole MP3s I was kind enough to post. During the last year, my life has changed, as I went from general dilinquent to general dilinquent who is expected to show up somewhere 9 to 5, and Killrockmusic fell into disrepair. One Portuguese man fell into a terrible depression as a result. Music criticism is a fool's game. Now, people have access to everything and thus [...]

Best of 2010

Artist:Cherry Ghost
Title:We Sleep on Stones
Link Text:Cherry Ghost - We Sleep on Stones
File Name:cherry-ghost-we-sleep-on-stone s.mp3
Bitrate:286 kbps
Year:2010
Artist:Joanna Newsom
Title:Easy
Link Text:Joanna Newsom - Easy
File Name:joanna-newsom-easy.mp3
Bitrate:213 kbps
Year:2010
Artist:John Grant
Title:I Wanna Go to Marz
Link Text:John Grant - I Wanna Go to Marz
File Name:john-grant-i-wanna-go-to-marz. mp3
Bitrate:246 kbps
Year:2010
Artist:Sleigh Bells
Title:Tell 'Em
Link Text:Sleigh Bells - Tell Em
File Name:sleigh-bells-tell-em.mp3
Bitrate:320 kbps
Year:2010
Artist:Sufjan Stevens
Title:Vesuvius
Link Text:Sufjan Stevens - Vesuvius
File Name:sufjan-stevens-vesuvius.mp3
Bitrate:189 kbps
Year:2010
Artist:The Arcade Fire
Title:Ready to Start
File Name:the-arcade-fire-ready-to-start .mp3
Year:2010
Artist:The Gaslight Anthem
Title:American Slang
Link Text:The Gaslight Anthem - American Slang
File Name:the-gaslight-anthem-american-s lang.mp3
Bitrate:300 kbps
Year:2010
Artist:The National
Title:Bloodbuzz Ohio
Link Text:The National - Bloodbuzz Ohio
File Name:the-national-bloodbuzz-ohio.mp 3
Bitrate:289 kbps
Year:2010
Artist:Titus Andronicus
Title:A More Perfect Union
Link Text:Titus Andronicus - A More Perfect Union
File Name:titus-andronicus-a-more-perfec t-union.mp3
Year:2010
Artist:Wolf Parade
Title:Ghost Pressure
Link Text:Wolf Parade - Ghost Pressure
File Name:wolf-parade-ghost-pressure.mp3
Bitrate:192 kbps
Year:2010

Panico! And Other Fun Things to Do in Spanish

Panico! And Other Fun Things to Do in Spanish It's pretty easy to get lost in your own national music scene. Sure, there's some international crossover, but it tends to follow pretty well-trodden, mostly linguistic, paths. American bands predominate, the British do quite well for themselves and Canadian nip at various heels. Throw in the odd Irish or Australian band, and you pretty much have the Top 50 covered in any English-speaking country. I think sometimes that gives us as English speakers some sense that ours is the only music out there. Okay, we recognise that things like Tuvan throat singing and Eastern European accordion music exist, [...]
Artist:Andrés Calamaro
Title:Con Abuelo
Link Text:Andres Calamaro - Con Abuelo
File Name:andres-calamaro-con-abuelo.mp3
Bitrate:197 kbps
Year:1999
Artist:Christina Rosenvinge
Title:Tres Minutos
Link Text:Christina Rosenvinge - Tres Minutos
File Name:christina-rosenvinge-tres-minu tos.mp3
Bitrate:230 kbps
Year:2008
Artist:Ectoplasma
Title:Hablando Con las Plantas
Link Text:Ectoplasma - Hablando Con las Plantas
File Name:ectoplasma-hablando-con-las-pl antas.mp3
Bitrate:219 kbps
Year:2006
Artist:Enrique Bunbury
Title:Welcome to El Callejón Sin Salida
Link Text:Enrique Bunbury - Welcome to el Callejon sin Salida
File Name:enrique-bunbury-welcome-to-el- callejon-sin-salida.mp3
Bitrate:196 kbps
Year:2006
Artist:Los Planetas
Title:Toxicosmos
Link Text:Los Planetas - Toxicosmos
File Name:los-planetas-toxicosmos.mp3
Bitrate:204 kbps
Year:1998
Artist:Mano Negra
Title:Guayaquil City
Link Text:Mano Negra - Guayaquil City
File Name:mano-negra-guayaquil-city.mp3
Bitrate:128 kbps
Year:1992
Artist:Manu Chao
Title:Desaparecido
Link Text:Manu Chao - Desaparecido
File Name:02-manu-chao-desaparecido.mp3
Bitrate:225 kbps
Year:1998
Artist:Migala
Title:El Tigre Que Hay en Ti
Link Text:Migala - El Tigre que Hay en Ti
File Name:migala-el-tigre-que-hay-en-ti. mp3
Bitrate:203 kbps
Year:2004
Artist:Nacho Vegas
Title:El Cazador
Link Text:Nacho Vegas - El Cazador
File Name:nacho-vegas-el-cazador.mp3
Bitrate:208 kbps
Year:2006
Artist:Nacho Vegas & Christina Rosenvinge
Title:Verano Fatal
Link Text:Nacho Vegas & Christina Rosenvinge - Verano Fatal
File Name:nacho-vegas-christina-rosenvin ge-verano-fatal.mp3
Bitrate:201 kbps
Year:2007
Artist:Panico
Title:Icon
Link Text:Panico - Icon
File Name:panico-icon.mp3
Year:2010
Artist:Schwarz
Title:Beauty Must Die
Link Text:Schwarz - Beauty Must Die
File Name:schwarz-beauty-must-die.mp3
Bitrate:192 kbps
Year:2004
Artist:Sidonie
Title:Sidonie Goes to Varanasi
Link Text:Sidonie - Sidonie Goes to Varanasi
File Name:sidonie-sidonie-goes-to-varana si.mp3
Bitrate:220 kbps
Year:2006
Artist:Triángulo de Amor Bizarro
Title:Ardio la Virgen de las Cabezas
Link Text:Triangulo de Amor Bizarro - Ardio la Virgen de las Cabezas
File Name:triangulo-de-amor-bizarro-ardi o-la-virgen-de-las-cabezas.mp3
Bitrate:200 kbps
Year:2007
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