If anybody deserves $78 Trillion dollars, it's the RIAA. I fully support the actions of the Retired Individuals of Agricultural Afghanistan, and think they deserve the entirety of the world's wealth. Like shit, you have to admit they've had a pretty rough time of it so far. Here's a little known fact for you: Vince Neil, from Motley Crue (pretend I put umlauts on that) was never a member of the Retired Individuals of Agricultural Afghanistan! I would have contacted Mr. Neil for an interview on this story, but I honestly couldn't give a shit what he has [...]
Listen, if you were in my position, you would have killed Leonard Cohen too. Anybody who knows anything about Leonard Cohen knows how much he enjoys a good knife fight. I know it sounds like an excuse, but seriously, he just fell on the knife while we were horsing around. I mean, everybody knows that knife fighting is Leonard Cohen’s biggest passion in life. I found out this fact for the first time when we were julienning some tomatoes. I had no idea what ‘julienne’ meant, so I was really just cutting them into cubes. Leonard was over there in [...]
Listen folks: never go on a caravan holiday with Bob Dylan. Sure, maybe you'll think it's cool and hip for the first little while, but I speak from experience when I say IT GETS OLD FAST. I mean, we were tooling down the highways in, I think, Missouri, and of course Bob was driving, as he's controlling like that. So I asked him where we were going, and the motherfucker just replied: 'The answer, my friend, is blowing in the wind.' Well, I'm all for mysticism and the whole Jim Morrison thing, and just assumed that [...]
Listen folks, I know it's hard for you to accept, but there will never be a Smiths reunion. However, the reasons may surprise you. They sure surprised me when I found out. You see, I met Mike Joyce in a bar one night recently, and he was looking glum. 'Why are you looking so glum, Mike Joyce?' I asked Mike Joyce. 'Because there will not be a Smiths reunion.' I said 'Yeah, that Morrissey's a bit of a whiney wanker, isn't he?' Mike Joyce replied 'It's even worse than that. It turns out he was made out of papier-mâché the [...]
Dick Clark’s death reminded me of the sanctity of life, and the fragility of our time on earth. It also reminded me of the time he and I fronted a death metal band in Norway. Dick and I were high off our tits one night, smoking his trademarked American Bandstand blunts. He told some (admittedly lame) joke about kittens, and I said ‘hey Wagstaff’ (it’s how I referred to him), ‘let’s start a goddamned Norwegian metal band!’ Now Dick was game for anything, but the problem we had was that we KNEW NO NORWEGIANS. I mean, how are we supposed [...]
So I was in Cambridge the other day, for some reason. Those of you privy to the lifestyles of the rich and the famous will already know that I live somewhere in the north, like Leeds or the Arctic or something, but I occasionally venture down south to visit the fucking proles in places like Cambridge. So I somehow got onto a train, and next thing I knew, I was in Cambridge, where I immediately got a haircut. That’s what one does in Cambridge. It was a kind of a shit haircut, but one can you expect from the uneducated [...]
I am really sick to death of all the Gandhi bashing I have to put up with. I walked into the coffee shop the other day and ordered a latte. The guy behind the counter says to me: ‘Sure. That’ll be £2.50, not that Gandhi would ever actually pay that amount.’ I said something about passive resistance, and asked him why he’d say such a thing. ‘Because Gandhi’s a cunt, that’s why.’ It’s really hard to argue with erudite thinking like that, so I let it stand. Then, later that same day, I ran into Gandhi [...]
I know that, in theory, Portuguese people are reading this blog. I do not fault them for their amazing taste. However, having to come up with a random people to bother this week, I was forced with acknowledging the fact that Portugal is, in fact, a country. I am good friends with a Portuguese fellow (he is one of the fellows in the portrait). I call him ‘Poncho’. He calls me ‘babaca’, because he is in awe of my amazingness. My only point, regarding his people, is that I’m pretty sure they are shit at music. For instance, [...]
I have, on recent occasion, had time to reflect on the futility of our existence. As such, I have decided to dedicate this blog to documenting this apocalypse, with apologies to the 3.5 readers who expected real musical criticism here. Justin Bieber: he apparently resides where, through truth of birth and nothing else, I happen to have citizenship. I try to listen to his floppy-haired cynicism, but cannot even process it on an intellectual level. Is it whale music? Why are all these young people screaming? Is it from the pure horror of witnessing such a spectacle? If [...]
Last night I had the pleasure of seeing one of the greatest-named rock bands, Retribution Gospel Choir, in a small pub in South Yorkshire. Low, Alan Sparhawk's other band, was here for a much more high-profile gig, and they decided to do a few RGC gigs on the side. I went with a jazz-head, somebody who appreciates intricate fretwork but did not perhaps appreciate my particular brand of harder rock fuckery. The opener was decent in a Death from Above 1979/Future of the Left kind of way. I have no idea who they were and they didn't introduce [...]
I should probably stay on topic, as I am a serious writer of serious posts, but I would like to post a brief word to the spammers of the world, who seem to be a bit down in the dumps. I have been getting many half-hearted messages from our spamming community. They no longer address our erectile problems, our need for Nigerian funding, our desire (apparently) to see 'T_rann_ie Sedx'. Now, they are telling me all sorts of factoids, in endearingly broken English. Today, some kind spamhole sent me a message warning me against the danger of wild dogs. This [...]
I'm not always good at foreseeing trends, or even what I may like in 6 months time. I remember when I first heard Bon Iver's 2008 debut, For Emma, Forever Ago . I was distinctly underwhelmed and bored. I can see why some people might still find that, but for me, these songs got under my skin. This was mostly due to me having the chance to see them live, opening for Iron and Wine. In a full band setting, the songs blossomed into something much more haunting; in ways, it almost reminded me of Sigur Ros. [...]
I was a big fan of Arab Strap. I loved Aidain Moffat's lyricism, and the music met with my then current nihilistic tendencies. One thing I wondered was how he would age, and now I have the answer: quite wonderfully. We all get older, and even the cynical among us start to recognise the need and desire to be part of a romantic view of the world, no matter how scarred it is. To be honest, I was disappointed in Moffat's 2009 album with the Best Ofs. It just sounded a bit tired. So, I didn't expect much [...]
Lou Reed and Metallica are collaborating. Actually, it's worse. They have collaborated. I feel like the poor asshole politicians in Dr. Strangelove who know the wheels have been set in motion for nuclear annihilation and there's not a damn thing they can do about it. Christ. And I say this as a fan of both Lou Reed and Metallica, but I have a bad feeling about this horrific Frankenstein's monster birthed from too many egos riding on past accomplishments. Apparently, two formerly great sets of musicians decided to get together, based on the 'chemistry' [...]
The Globe and Mail, Canada's only newspaper that's left that's worth half a damn, reported some interesting new bits on Steve-O Harper thumbing his nose at anybody not in his Conservative cabal. Hell, this guy has some sort of messianic complex. He's no longer content just with ruining Canadian democracy! No, now he's taking on the world! You go, Stevie! Show 'em all! The entire rational world is backing Barack Obama's avowal that the 1967 borders between Israel and Palestine are what should be respected in peace negotiations, and everybody sane supports him in this, including the leaders [...]
So, news hits today that Transparency International found Canada to be the WORST of the G8 in terms of policing against corruption (but hey, we're neck and neck with Bulgaria!). Although they're examining different things, it seems fitting that it comes mere days after Little Stevie Harper again thumbs his nose at Canadian democracy by appointing new Tories to the Senate just a few weeks after voters rejected the exact same people. He did this in spite of the fact that he's ostensibly all for Senate reform and, presumably, not running Canada like a tinpot dictatorship. Not only that, he [...]
Hello, Good reader, So apparently the apocalypse has hit. I can vouch for this fact (or 'triangulate the data' for you insufferable positivists) as I heard a car alarm, and I'm pretty sure it rained a bit. But you know, shit, I thought the apocalypse would be a little more exciting. A volcano in Iceland? I cannot even see that, and I'm not very far away! Come on God, or Satan, or whoever is running this show, give me some sturm und drang! I want a 60 metre tall succubus descending upon us and sucking the blood out [...]
I ran Killrockmusic, somewhat diligently, for 2 years. During that time, I had about 3 worthwhile comments (2 of them from friends), and most people spending 30 seconds on the site as they stole MP3s I was kind enough to post. During the last year, my life has changed, as I went from general dilinquent to general dilinquent who is expected to show up somewhere 9 to 5, and Killrockmusic fell into disrepair. One Portuguese man fell into a terrible depression as a result. Music criticism is a fool's game. Now, people have access to everything and thus [...]
It's pretty easy to get lost in your own national music scene. Sure, there's some international crossover, but it tends to follow pretty well-trodden, mostly linguistic, paths. American bands predominate, the British do quite well for themselves and Canadian nip at various heels. Throw in the odd Irish or Australian band, and you pretty much have the Top 50 covered in any English-speaking country. I think sometimes that gives us as English speakers some sense that ours is the only music out there. Okay, we recognise that things like Tuvan throat singing and Eastern European accordion music exist, [...]
Kill Rock Music
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Video: Kanye West – Yeezus [Short Film]
The Swiss – Elouisa EP
Real Magic “Dancing On My Own (Robyn Cover)”
