Tagged: theshark

Well, well, look who's back blogging for Uncensored Interview: your favorite foul-mouthed, curmudgeonly sea predator. I apologize for my sudden and totally unexpected hiatus, but it looks like I've returned just in time, because there's a huge, some may even say an historic inauguration occurring, and it just so happens to coincide with the launch of my newest weekly feature for UI, focusing on things that Piss Me Off. And boy, have I got a warehouse full of pristine, organic, made-in-the-USA gripes about the way we indoctrinate elected officials to the highest office in the land. [...]

Never before in most of our lifetimes has the need to maintain employment been so dire. People are literally clinging onto their jobs for dear life, hoping the bloody recession axe slices just above their heads and takes out some other unfortunate douchebag. I was walking by the unemployment office the other day when I noticed three hookers and a coke dealer waiting in line. You know things are bad when hookers are being laid off! Now who will suck the dicks of all of those greedy, coked-up Wall Street execs who piloted their companies into the ground? [...]

Luke Doucet : Make it Hot . Having survived the past week of unseasonably freezing temperatures here in New York City, two things have become blindingly apparent to me: Those Eskimos are tough motherfuckers. I tip my hat to those sub-zero loving Inuit bastards. We need to do something about global warming. And by that I mean, we need to speed it up. Look, I don't know how many more 24°F with a windchill of -14 °F [...]

Apologies for the long gap in updates, yours truly had a busy week last week; training for and running the Philadelphia Marathon and starting a new temporary gig at a large, evil corporation which shall remain nameless for fear of the torture and death of my loved ones due to insubordination. Hey, bills have to be paid and Christmas gifts must be bought, so don't judge me, man! Speaking of employment, I was reading an interesting article the other day about how The [...]

Apologies for the long gap in updates, yours truly had a busy week last week; training for and running the Philadelphia Marathon and starting a new temporary gig at a large, evil corporation which shall remain nameless for fear of the torture and death of my loved ones due to insubordination. Hey, bills have to be paid and Christmas gifts must be bought, so don't judge me, man! Speaking of employment, I was reading an interesting article the other day about how The [...]

Takka Takka : We Love New York . Takka Takka and other city-enamored borough dwellers may have to kiss their indie digs goodbye soon if Governor Patterson and Mayor Bloomberg have their way. In case you hadn't heard, New York is in the midst of an epic crisis on scale with the infamous Stay Puft Marshmallow Man incident of the 80's. Unfortunately, proton packs and sheer bravado can't fix things again, because the form [...]

Vivian Girls : Bring it On . Far fetched as Vivian Girls ' claims may seem, they are actually all SCARILY TRUE. Vincent Gallo DOES run a website dedicated to basking in his own greatness and one of the items up for sale in his webstore is his very own man-taffy for your artificial inseminating pleasure. Of course, there are some restrictions that come with Gallo-In-A-Bottle - it [...]

Yes, it's true-as Poingly first pointed out -the long-awaited Jetsonian future we've heard so much about in cartoons is finally here. In case you missed it, CNN debuted their awesome new hologram technology developed by Dagoba scientists a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away. And don't tell me that I was the only one hoping Jessica Yellin would anxiously plead "Help me Wolf Blitzer! You're my only hope" before she faded out. But holograms are now [...]

Hey there downtrodden victim of the current financial crisis, don't look so dour! Lots of people all across America have suddenly lost their jobs just like you and have found themselves wondering "What the fuck am I gonna do to support myself and/or my vicious $400 a day coke habit?" The first thought that crosses your mind is to apply at the local Starbucks (the one on your corner, not the one across the street from the one on your corner) and become a part-time barista. Hey, they have health care and decent pay. [...]

Electric Touch : Everybody Vote! . In case you hadn't heard, today is Election Day and what better way to inspire you to get out and make a difference than having a foreigner tell you to vote? But seriously, get the fuck out of your house and vote today. I don't care who you're for - Obama, McCain, Ron Paul, Ralph Nader, David Cook, Walter Mondale - it doesn't matter. You still need to go to your local polling place and pull that lever. There's absolutely no acceptable excuse for not using your [...]

Some things I've been pondering (and now you can too) over this crazy (but hopefully fruitful) Halloween-Election Weekend. Why is it OK for a plumber to talk politics but not a musician? Amy Ray : Amplify . Why are record labels even necessary anymore? The XYZ Affair : Music for TV . [...]

The Muslims : Sweet Axl of Mine . The Muslims might not realize it right now, but the official death of the music industry is at hand. How do I know this? Because Matty and Brian's all time favorite band, Guns N' Roses, will finally be releasing Chinese Democracy on [...]

Ben Jelen : Go (and Stay) Green . One of the main reasons people give for not being more environmentally friendly is how much effort and money it takes to live greener. Sure, converting your automobile to biodiesel and installing solar panels on your dog might be a little extreme and therefore not for everyone, but it's not actually not that hard to start living a more eco-friendly life. In fact, I realized the other day that I live one of the greenest lives out [...]

KaiserCartel : Ivan the Duck . I have a Shark boner for KaiserCartel and am slightly jealous that they weren't my middle-school music teachers. Seriously, how cool is it that they not only make great music, but they teach it to kids as well? I had the chance to meet Courtney and Benjamin at SXSW this year and promised them I'd come check out one of their shows. Well, tonight at 9pm, KaiserCartel-sans Ivan the Duck sadly-will be bringing their unique live stylings [...]

Gotta keep this short as I'm running around like a chicken sans head thanks to CMJ Marathon madness: The infamous slogan of Bill Clinton's successful 1992 presidential campaign was "It's the economy, stupid." Well, I'd like to amend that to "It's the exposure, stupid" to apply to CMJ week. Every year you hear one of these out-of-touch, elitist music critics bemoan the fact that a certain much-hyped band didn't get an expected post-CMJ record boost, and therefore, failed to capitalize on the festival. While this brand of hazy logic may have flown in the pre-Interet era, it's completely [...]

With the U.S. dollar valued at shit anyway, you might as well take a tip from Pepper and have a little fecal fun with your money: While not as gut-wrenchingly nasty as its predecessor-the Mallrats' Stinkpalm -the Shit Dollar is still an effective way to both protect your own money and have a little fun with bartenders. Because really, what sick son of a bitch criminal is going to steal your cash if it reeks [...]

The other day while driving with a friend Nickelback's latest atrocity came on the radio (we had the dial on "scan," don't get any ideas) and so began five awkward seconds of waiting for the station to change, because we were both too lazy-or maybe frightened-to do it manually. Once our ears were finally cleansed of the shitfest, my friend (let's call him Joe The Plumber) looked at me and said "God I just wish Nickelback would die." Any sane, patriotic, God-fearing person's first instinct would be to nod their head and agree, but right then and there [...]

Lately I've become dangerously obsessed with AMC's Mad Men . It's really made me long for the good old days of the 1960's-when everyone smoked at work, drank before noon, ate red meat, and beat their kids regularly-which is weird since I wasn't born until 1981. Never mind that whole "lack of civil rights" thing, the '60s were the bomb, especially when it came to music. New advances in mind-altering drugs took creativity to previously unimaginable levels (yay LSD!), and major labels were still too green to truly rape [...]

I'll be honest with you, I've only seen The Muggabears live once, and it was an impromptu performance in our questionably sanitized bathtub. But it still had an impact on me: Now I'm not a musician, so I don't fool myself into thinking that I'll ever be able to reproduce those same type of sounds in a porcelain enclosure of any size, but I must admit that The Muggabears' fearless tub performance has encouraged me to start singing in the shower again. Mostly falsetto, [...]

Cheer up! So the economy is crumbling around our feet as we speak, a dinosaur and a woman who doesn't believe in dinosaurs might get elected to the highest office in the land and the insufferable Boston Red Sox might very well be on their way to another World Series championship. Things could be much worse though - just look at OJ Simpson. He gets away with murder, but gets sent to the clink for stealing his own stuff back! Now that he's locked up, who's going to be leading the search for the real killers? Tis a [...]